My Companion Always Talks On Her Own Life: Is It Time to Distance Myself?

We've been close companions for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered many obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she's repeatedly taken by surprise in relationships. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of her friends vanished during that time, because they seemed only interested in the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She made greater energy toward our bond, and must have realised better what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, quite a few in her circle have disappeared without her being sure why. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she was highly competent, and she left unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize my role in our friendship is to listen. I introduce subjects and she changes them to her own topics. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. I try to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been organizing a vacation abroad I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in for some time. I attempted to offer insights, however, my input unappreciated. She purely just desired me to confirm her decisions. I've just ended four weeks there and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the impact of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to end things abruptly, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for resolution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like an unbiased account. The second involves sharing her how it makes you feel. There should be no dispute on this point. What you feel are your feelings, of course. The third step involves requesting how you are both going to change the interaction of your friendship."

Consider that she also has her own side, meaning you must to remain ready to listen to her. One effective method involves stating your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

Closing Considerations

She could ignore your concerns, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they have a story about themselves they cannot release since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out defensively and then think about what you've said. And even if you never reach a fix, it provides peace from having been truthful.